One-Up, One-Down: Mentors

This week was my spring break and I did something quite surprising. I deliberately made plans to do nothing. I took the time to catch up with friends, some old some new. It was wonderful not having an agenda and to just be in the presence of those I love. Late night conversations and reminiscing eventually led me to ask, how the heck did I meet you all anyways?

Mentors

Back in college, I lived in a house called the five-oh, which was part of a university, faith based community. I got to thinking about an unwritten philosophy we had regarding mentorship. It was simple. “One-up, one-down”. This meant we should try and have at least one girl our junior and one girl our senior that we would maintain and foster a relationship with.

I took this to heart during my stay at the five-oh and it was never a point of formality or stress. These relationships were allowed to grow organically. If nothing blossomed, it wasn’t forced. Out of this, grew an incredibly beautiful network of women, both older and younger than me. We supported each other through school, careers, marriages, and other life events.

And it worked

I was able to mentor younger ladies but also have those above me to seek wisdom or advice. These intergenerational connections facilitated the transfer of knowledge and life experience between millennials all the way up to the baby boomers.

Challenges were still present throughout my time in college, namely anything that stemmed from my ADHD (formally undiagnosed at the time). I didn’t have those special ADHD “one-up, one-down” mentors and realize now how powerful this can be for those with the condition.

Now …

So, how would I mentor a young ADHDer? I came up with these simple ideas.

First, be real and vulnerable about my story. Share with them how I navigated that life stage (or the learning experience from crashing and burning).

Second, explain to them that well-managed ADHD in adulthood doesn’t mean the core struggles disappear after childhood.

For example,

I got asked by a student once, “I feel so embarrassed that I have to stand up in class. Nobody would guess you have the wiggles.”

I simply told her how when I take a restroom break in the middle of a long lecture or meeting, I literally jog a staircase up and down several times and then quietly slip back into the room.

But there’s more …

Lastly, emphasize the idea of compromise.

Compromise is NOT changing who you are and your core self to satisfy others. It is also not expecting the world to conform to your style. Compromise is maintaining your sense of self and values, while also demonstrating the ability to work with people who think differently than you.

My plan is to apply this

I look forward to making new connections with other young speedy brains, to offer support and friendship when they don’t believe there’s anyone like them. And I look forward to discovering new mentors for myself, not being afraid to ask for help or say I don’t know the answers.

Who can you be a leader for, showing them the beauty of their unique brain and how to use it confidently? And who can you turn to that won’t just respect your differences, but can actually say they’ve walked in your shoes and would like to ride along with you during your struggles? I encourage you all on to link the generations and connect over our common tie.

Find your one-up. Find your one-down.

 

 

Priscilla Du Preez