ADHD and Gender / A World Where Boys Can Be Boys, Yet Girls Must Be Ladies
The freedom of being a child is pure and vibrant. I was the happiest, most uninhibited, young girl there was. Life was devoid of anxiety. I said what I wanted. I ran down the hallways when I wanted.
Each day was an adventure to learn new things and share with the world everything I had discovered, sometimes in excruciating detail. …while bouncing in your face. But, who could resist two blurry pigtails and a giant smile?
Good so far
I rolled into Kindergarten with that same smile, excited to explore a world full of books, art projects, and giant playgrounds. It was certain to be magical.
To my dismay, the magic wore off instantly. After reading every book in the place I became bored to tears. After a battery of tests and several conferences later, I found myself bumped up to the first grade.
And then
After the magic of skipping a grade subsided, I was bored again. I tried to make it interesting for myself, but I guess I wasn’t doing it the right way.
Knowing correct answers and firing them off, was met with stern looks and reprimands for blurting. Daring to poke things I shouldn’t became an instant loss of recess time. Apparently, this wasn’t how young girls were supposed to act. I needed to be more controlled and polite.
I suppose my cuteness had worn off…
But, wait a minute …
I didn’t know what to think since the boy sitting next to me was viewed as passionate and quick witted when he blurted out or appreciated as comic relief when he broke the class rules. A look of shame and hush hush fell over the girls’ faces as they watched me stuck inside. But, if a boy was punished, he was able to wear it as a badge of honor, seen as a strong and confident rebel by his peers.
Soon after, I tested into the gifted program, but it was decided I would repeat 5th grade due to my so-called social and relational difficulties. Their rational made no sense to me. “Welcome to our program, you are smart! But we’re going to hold you back because you have the emotional intelligence of a toddler.” Ouch. My hyperactivity and impulsivity were seen as rude, inappropriate, and unladylike. On the other hand, boys could just be boys.
These experiences left me befuddled and frustrated. I felt utterly tromped on, shamed into feeling less of a human than the kid right next to me. The kid of the same age and same intellect. So I decided to fall into the expected, female norm. I didn’t ever want to feel that shame again.
Editor: Can you relate? Do you know of girls slipping through the cracks or boys romping through the school getting passes on bad behavior? Our friend, Tricia has more to say about the outcome of this situation, check back in two weeks and you’ll find the second half of her story here at See in ADHD. ~Kelly
I’m an avid adventurer and explorer of both people and places. Finding joy in posing thought provoking questions that challenge the mind and heart, I live a life where I am bold, passionate and spirited. I enjoy listening to people’s unique life stories, and also being able to serve and advocate for neurodiverse individuals.
~ Tricia Webb